bore you to tears

So it's one in the morning and because I am still WIRED from our YW's unsleepover (details to come), I figured it'd be a good time to let you in on a little secret I learned yesterday.

My blog. is boring.

If my clichéd title held true I'd move crowds to tears...and I don't mean the good kind. I've learned recently that this is a forum for unoriginal ideas, vapid viewpoints, stale small talk, and mundane memoirs. And even if the content wasn't so conspicuously lacking, I'd never save it with the presentation! How could I ever expect to reinvent the routine romance with colorless adjectives, lazy verbs, and tired truisms. I couldn't have. I shouldn't have. And I wouldn't have if I'd known sooner.

At this point you're likely saying, "Yes Chelsey, we're glad you've seen the light. Who can we thank for escorting you down the path of enlightenment?"

His name is Parker. He's asleep next to me, completely unaware of the havoc he's caused with his inadvertent Dr. Frankenstein move...a.k.a. he created the blog-monster lying next to him first, by being so cute and thus making her posts sound sappy and trite, and now, by unconsciously challenging her to blog better.

Rewind to yesterday night. Latest two-bugs-in-a-rug blog entry posts to Facebook. Husband sees said post on Facebook home page. Husband clicks link to new post. Husband begins to read. Wife witnesses small miracle. Wife's heart is happy. Wife pretends not to watch so as not to scare the young doe from his encounter with words so unsettling sentimental. Wife averts eyes. Wife gets impatient. Wife locks eyes back on husband's computer screen. Husband is now on ESPN website reading an article on BYU-players turned pro. Wife speaks without thinking...

"You already read it?"

"Read what?"

"The blog. You're a speed-reader if so. That was a long one...even for me."

"Oh...uh, yeah. Most of it."

"Most of it? What? Did you get bored halfway through?"

"No..(chew-it-over-with-a-twix type silence). I just don't like to read..."

"You're reading right now."

"I mean, I don't read that kind of stuff."

"Are you kidding? I'm a good writer (pride enters, pops a bit of kettle corn, and takes a seat by my feet to see this one out. "Gonna be a good show," he thinks. "Where'd I put my box of goobers?" As pride settles in to watch the scene play out, Wife continues with the guilt trip). Besides, if you babbled on about me the way I do about you I'd refresh my page every five minutes to check for new posts!"

"Well...that's because you're a girl."

End of conversation. Wife decides it's not worth it to pursue. She tells him most everything before she writes it anyway. Husband distracts himself with new brakes for the other woman in his life he calls Santa Cruz. She always gets the attention, thinks Wife. Then she begins to wonder what might spice up her blog life...you know, make her writing a little more desirable...so much so that even a boy might read it.

She creates an action plan:

1. Keep it short (men have no attention span)

2. a little less sweet (they don't do sap)

3. and when he still doesn't read it, hope that might make it more bearable for future generations (fat chance, but worth a try).

Here's to better blogging...we'll see how long it lasts.

P.S. These are just because a) I couldn't find any funny comics about being bored, and b) my lone reader (a. k.a. Mom) will enjoy them.

It took me like five minutes to figure this one out. food...duh. so funny!
my desk buddy from grammar school...so glad mom let me go to G.A.T.E.

If it's too small to read, "And now Edgar's gone....Something's going on around here."

Bahahaha...I'm feeling better and better about being boring. It may even be time for a blogging hiatus. Give the world a breather. Give me some more free time, a chance to change my approach, and maybe even a spare moment to stock up on more silly comics. This is looking like a win, win, win, win, win.