Tuesday, March 15, 2011


"I think I talk too much,"
I confess to Parker as I plop my pinhead onto my pillow.
"Do you think I talk too much?"

"I think I'm sleepy..."
and just before I start in on my petition that he take this seriously
"...and no.  You don't talk too much."


"...but even if you did, I'd still love you."

"I know but..."

"...but what?"


"That's what I thought. Goodnight my little chatterbox..."

"Not funny..."

And after a but or two or three more and a couple I love you's we're fast asleep.

I can't tell you how many times we've had this conversation.

For someone who loves the social scene so, you'd think I'd thrive in social settings.
And I do.
I LOVE it!

But because I love it so, I always come away hoping the people I've spent time with came away seeing the night in just as positive a light as I did.
And on those nights when I worry they may not be,
I start to feel very vulnerable
and question my free-thinking and free-speaking open-book approach.

Why do I always put myself so far out there so quickly,
especially when I'm so bent on being everyone's friend?

If you want to be universally liked, you need to play it right.
or do you?
Can you REALLY ever be EVERYONE'S friend?
is it worth it?
or is a take-me-or-leave-me attitude the key to those REAL friendships that bring lasting happiness?

I really don't know.

 Do you have the answer?

Maybe it's me.
It's likely just me.
Though I hope not,
because in confessing this I'm exposing myself to all the vulnerabilities of sharing in the cyber-realm as well.

I am certain our friends and family love us
and love spending time with us.
I never question that fact.
But I just wonder, every now and again, if I make people uncomfortable with how very quickly I become comfortable being 100% me when I'm with them.

By my first 4th of July trip to Richfield I felt like part of the family.
I chattered away with the siblings like their favorite freshman roommate
and/or the energizer bunny on crack.
I chased all the kiddos around the backyard, tackled the task of double-duty swing pushing, cuddled Parker's sweet nieces for the entirety of the parade, and talked smack to the twins like their veteran babysitter
my tendency toward immaturity on full display.
I took the liberty of getting my own glass of water whenever I so pleased, never thinking once that it might be more appropriate to ask, 
"Mr. & Mrs. DeMille, I hate to be a bother but may I please have a glass of water?"
either a testament to their impeccable hospitality and warm welcomes and/or my very obvious lack of guest etiquette.
And very conspicuously expressed my affection for Parker
again, displaying my very apparent lack of future in-law etiquette.
so so sorry Kristy & Tristan.
If only your son weren't so dang cute!

By my six month mark at work my whole branch knew at least a chapter or two of my very open book.
so much for the perpetually professional, happy-go-lucky, highly ambitious, up-and-coming Communications exec image I'd banked on.
I'm too honest,
too silly,
too sarcastic,
too sassy,
and, on rare occasions, just a little too sweet.

I've shared my strengths and weaknesses,
my knowledge and ignorance,
my opinions and indifference,
and my real hopes and fears
all. too. often.

I'm very much myself
and that very much worries me.

By my 3-month mark in Young Women's my presidency could very clearly see what a rookie they'd drafted for their all-star team.
My fall semester had me running every which way.
It quickly became the Kryptonite to my super-leader image.
I can't think of a time when I've felt more transparently human.

I ran into conflicts with activities & class and missed more presidency meetings than I care to count.
I scrambled to assemble lessons I'd spaced on one too many Sunday mornings.
And exhibited less-than-stellar communication skills with the Mia Maid leaders from each of the other wards
talk about awesome first impressions.
I sliced the celery wrong for our first combined activity.
I don't think there's any coming back from that.

And as far as censorship goes, let's not forget my antics in planning and participating in the many Friday & Saturday nights we've spent with our friends.
I say what I think without thinking.
I ask questions and tackle topics that'd make you blush.
I play the role of sass-master so incredibly well I wonder why no one's slapped me silly.
And before the night's even done, I'm penciling myself in on everyone's calendar and sending out save-the-dates for the next big event.

This list goes on and on.
Whether it's my taking the liberty of munching three pieces of toast at Lara's like a little puerco,
in case it's not entirely clear, puerco is spanish for pig.
oink! oink! 
or my running sprinting with Ashlee's offer to be the big-sister-I-never-had nearly a year before she and Jason even said "I do,"
or my laughable honeymoons-for-dummies chats with my very best of friends,
I think it's safe to say that talking too much is the least of my worries.

But no matter how many nights I come home and wonder how I might have better presented myself, my ideas, my thoughts, or my image,
I'm grateful that in being so open, I might just be someone people can 
talk to, 
confide in, 
laugh with, 
laugh at
open up to, 
and be silly
and ultimately real with.

Anyone who really knows me knows I am so very far from perfect.
And that's exactly how it should be.
No fronts,
no facades, 
no feigned happiness, forced conversation, or false pictures of propriety here.
It's just me.

And if you like me for being me,
I'll bet I'll like you for being you too.

and THOSE are the best kinds of friendships I could ever hope to find and keep.
don't you think?


  1. so for now I'll do my best to toss the post-open-book vulnerabilities aside and keep chattering away.
    (unless I am just COMPLETELY off-base with this post and ought to be instructed to do otherwise.
    if anyone has the foresight to stop me while I'm ahead...please do!)

    'til then...this chatterbox is signing off.

    Happy Tuesday all!

  2. First of all, you don't talk too much. I miss our chats, can't wait to be able to go to the next family gathering and just catch up with you. Second, I'll guarantee that your first day with the DeMille clan is one of Parker's favorite memories about your courtship and either sealed the deal or just reinforced how hopelessly in love with everything about you he was. Just ask him!

    Love ya!

  3. Last time you were here, which seems like a year ago, Kirk and I were saying how great you and Parker are to trek over here on Sunday nights and how much we love that you make toast when you are hungry. I am a terrible hostess and I LOVE that you guys are comfortable enough to get what you need. It makes me happy.

    Also last night we were laying in bed discussing important things like the weddings, honeymoons, and the bachelor. Since I have all boys and won't be doing any weddings, I decided to give myself (and Kirk) the assignment of planning honeymoons. Doesn't that sound like fun! I think I am more excited about that than I would be about planning a wedding. So you will have to share your insight on that subject with me one of these days. And ps-I love that you love to talk:)

  4. I love your talk too but feel like lately I don't get any chances to hear you talk. Sad, sad.

  5. I love this because it basically sums up my life exactly! ( except drew tells me I talk to much instead of putting my question off )
    But I love you and I love that you're open. People in this world close themselves off too often and by doing that they close themselves off from being friends with anyone. We may not be able to please everyone but at least we try right?

  6. ps. my verification word thingy was beeden and it made me laugh and think "if that's not perfect for her blog than what is :)

  7. I like(love)you, Chels! So...here's the good news and the bad: the chatterbox syndrome is genetic (sorry),HOWEVER, you will gather lifetime friends because of who you are and your natural ability to break the ice...you are unique, fun and right up front! You bring the "fun" to the table and make everything a party.

    Can't wait to have some girl-time with you and Haley this weekend!