Saturday, October 16, 2010

bore you to tears

So it's one in the morning and because I am still WIRED from our YW's unsleepover (details to come), I figured it'd be a good time to let you in on a little secret I learned yesterday.

My blog. is boring.

If my clich├ęd title held true I'd move crowds to tears...and I don't mean the good kind. I've learned recently that this is a forum for unoriginal ideas, vapid viewpoints, stale small talk, and mundane memoirs. And even if the content wasn't so conspicuously lacking, I'd never save it with the presentation! How could I ever expect to reinvent the routine romance with colorless adjectives, lazy verbs, and tired truisms. I couldn't have. I shouldn't have. And I wouldn't have if I'd known sooner.

At this point you're likely saying, "Yes Chelsey, we're glad you've seen the light. Who can we thank for escorting you down the path of enlightenment?"

His name is Parker. He's asleep next to me, completely unaware of the havoc he's caused with his inadvertent Dr. Frankenstein move...a.k.a. he created the blog-monster lying next to him first, by being so cute and thus making her posts sound sappy and trite, and now, by unconsciously challenging her to blog better.

Rewind to yesterday night. Latest two-bugs-in-a-rug blog entry posts to Facebook. Husband sees said post on Facebook home page. Husband clicks link to new post. Husband begins to read. Wife witnesses small miracle. Wife's heart is happy. Wife pretends not to watch so as not to scare the young doe from his encounter with words so unsettling sentimental. Wife averts eyes. Wife gets impatient. Wife locks eyes back on husband's computer screen. Husband is now on ESPN website reading an article on BYU-players turned pro. Wife speaks without thinking...

"You already read it?"

"Read what?"

"The blog. You're a speed-reader if so. That was a long one...even for me."

"Oh...uh, yeah. Most of it."

"Most of it? What? Did you get bored halfway through?"

"No..(chew-it-over-with-a-twix type silence). I just don't like to read..."

"You're reading right now."

"I mean, I don't read that kind of stuff."

"Are you kidding? I'm a good writer (pride enters, pops a bit of kettle corn, and takes a seat by my feet to see this one out. "Gonna be a good show," he thinks. "Where'd I put my box of goobers?" As pride settles in to watch the scene play out, Wife continues with the guilt trip). Besides, if you babbled on about me the way I do about you I'd refresh my page every five minutes to check for new posts!"

"Well...that's because you're a girl."

End of conversation. Wife decides it's not worth it to pursue. She tells him most everything before she writes it anyway. Husband distracts himself with new brakes for the other woman in his life he calls Santa Cruz. She always gets the attention, thinks Wife. Then she begins to wonder what might spice up her blog know, make her writing a little more much so that even a boy might read it.

She creates an action plan:

1. Keep it short (men have no attention span)
2. a little less sweet (they don't do sap)
3. and when he still doesn't read it, hope that might make it more bearable for future generations (fat chance, but worth a try).

Here's to better blogging...we'll see how long it lasts.

P.S. These are just because a) I couldn't find any funny comics about being bored, and b) my lone reader (a. k.a. Mom) will enjoy them.
It took me like five minutes to figure this one out. food...duh. so funny!
my desk buddy from grammar glad mom let me go to G.A.T.E.
If it's too small to read, "And now Edgar's gone....Something's going on around here."

Bahahaha...I'm feeling better and better about being boring. It may even be time for a blogging hiatus. Give the world a breather. Give me some more free time, a chance to change my approach, and maybe even a spare moment to stock up on more silly comics. This is looking like a win, win, win, win, win.


  1. I have come to conclude (but its mostly true) I just decide to do my blog how I want too because it mainly is for me for my memory/journal keepsake, yes I love people to read and comment but at least I have it how I like it ya know? :-) Maybe start each blog out with a pic of parker's mountain bike to grab his attention..haha!

  2. I LOVE your posts. Yes, there are one or two I haven't read in their entirety... but only one or two. It's my only way of feeling close to you, and it sounds JUST LIKE YOU!!! Almost think I can hear you telling these stories :).

  3. Lara and Kaitlin forced me to start writing a blog about two years ago. A few months back, (from lack of comments) I decided that my blog was too boring for others to read and so I was going to stop. Then one day, I went way back to my first entry and spent time reading all my blog posts. Amber is right, my blog is mostly for ME. I enjoyed having my ramblings recorded even if I was the only person to read them. In some coming generation perhaps I will have a great grand daughter who gets a smile or an "Ah Ha!" moment from reading one. Maybe not. But until then, I have to say I enjoy reading about myself. The older I get, the more precious these posts may be as I forget everything!!! And I have to say, I always love to read your posts but rarely take the time to post a comment. Maybe there are more "quiet" readers out there than you know. Sure do love you and appreciate you more because of your blog efforts and the things I learn about you....

  4. Thanks for the comics...I love them! I actually laughed out loud and woke up your dad who was sleeping on the couch. I also love your blogging so keep it coming. I hope you'll consider putting them in print and binding them one day so the next generation of DeMilles (Whites) can know how wonderful your life was...
    Your #1 fan!

    P.S. Believe it or not, your dad has been checking in on your blog (actually, he asks me to get him to that "place where Chelsey writes"). Seems that when a guy retires and the nest is close to empty, he'll log in and look forward to a good read =)

  5. Okay, so I can't find your email address. I know I have it somewhere but my momma brain can't find it. email me :) and I'll send you my cell. Love you.