breathe

so today I experienced a first...for the first time ever, I didn't really have anything to say.

I had a bit of free time between classes and logged in to attempt to share something profound or some humorous tidbit from my day and nothing. came. not a single thing. so I started to feel a bit sad.

I'm a person (sometimes referred to as a type A) who measures each day's success by how much I accomplish, how much fun I have, or how many interactions I have with the people around me.

So today (by my typical standards) seemed pretty pathetic. I decided to treat myself to sleeping in instead of investing an extra day at my internship. When I woke up I did not feel well rested and peaceful as I'd planned. No, I felt worthless and just. plain. lazy.

Now under the impression that I'd somehow already started my day in the negative, you'd think I'd get a "hop-to" attitude and start doing something with myself. Nope. Not a chance.

I just dug my hole of self-deprecation deeper by taking my sweet time getting ready and out the door. This proved to be yet another sweet treat to myself gone sour. By the time I "frogger-ed" my way through the wall of traffic that plagued my commute (thank you again you masterminds behind the I-15 core) I'd missed my first class of the day altogether. Lovely...

The day kept on this way. Instead of listening in my Media Religion course I sifted through wedding photos 5-months overdue for editing (yet remain undecided because the longer I look at them the more I realize how little I like any and how impossible it is for me to recreate that day and have the shots I'd hoped for). And to top it all off I had to miss YW's (AGAIN) to watch another student-produced documentary for extra credit (never feels quite worth it...).

When I finally hit the road, I ended my not-so-crazy day with a quiet drive home. While this may be a treat to some, it's torture to me. I'm no friend to the redundancy of the radio and I don't do silence. So I make calls. But the truth is, I'd exhausted my call list. I'd already talked to my mom and 3 bff's on the way down and checked in with my husband before leaving town. I'd called the other handful of people I dial to kill 5-minutes here and there earlier in the week. And as far as finding new victims buddies to call, my conscience kept my mental phone book from releasing the names of many long-lost friends who I'd deluded myself into believing would be dying to hear from me at 10 at night.

So, if this picture's not already as clear as one of Bob Ross' nature skies, by the time I walked through our front door I felt like a LOSER/failure at life/poor excuse for a person. I'd done NOTHING...all. day. long. Not a single scratch on my to-do list. Not a single worthwhile interaction. Not a single thing I felt like I could be proud of.

I didn't have the heart to do homework, so I decided I'd read up on Conference. I'd spent the first session trying to do a media-religion project which required I follow Twitter while I watch. This did nothing for me outside of reaffirming my belief in the silliness/frivolousness of Twitter and distracting me to no end. I felt like I came away with nothing more than the fourteen fundamentals of following the prophet that our avid Conference tweeters seemed to love regurgitating line by line. So tonight, I figured I'd start there.

I remembered something of President Uchtdorf's talk and felt the title seemed promising. "Of Things That Matter Most." If I needed anything right now it was a healthy dose of reality and reminder of how I should be prioritizing life. I expected him to echo my beliefs. "Chelsey your greatest happiness will come when you're hard at work using your God-given talents to benefit the world! when your eye is on the prize and you do everything in your power to reach it! when you're a fruitful and productive saint who uses her time wisely!" But he didn't. In fact, he told me just the opposite. And it was just what I need to hear.

I won't comment on everything he said and how it applies to me. You don't need my testimony of truth to know that that's what it is. Just know how grateful I am for President Uchtdorf and his inspired words. There are few people who can help me reevaluate life, remember my divine nature, and rethink my evaluation of my eternal worth and value in five minutes or less. I guess that's why they call him the Lord's mouthpiece...

So, without further ado, a few of my favorite quotes...

"Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks.

Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most.

Let us simplify our lives a little. Let us make the changes necessary to refocus our lives on the sublime beauty of the simple, humble path of Christian discipleship—the path that leads always toward a life of meaning, gladness, and peace. For this I pray, as I leave you my blessing, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.